Questions And Answers: Day-to-day Life / Married life

As per guru and śāstra, women are to serve their husbands and children devotedly. However, the ultimate goal of life (kṛṣṇa-prema) requires a lot of sādhanā. Will serving the family become an obstacle towards the goal? Also, how can women go back to Godhead in one lifetime?
Questioner: Harshita Sharma
Date: 2022-10-04
Jayapatākā Swami: Lord Caitanya advised that we should do yukta-vairāgya.
Everything we do, we do as an offering to Kṛṣṇa.
So, ideally the wife can marry a devotee of Kṛṣṇa.
Just by assisting him,
she is also directly doing devotional service.
If she is not so fortunate to have a devotee,
she can also try to bring up her children in Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
She can offer bhoga to the Deities
and take prasāda and give prasāda to the family.
There are different ways one can engage in devotional service.
I had the good fortune of visiting many gṛhastha families,
seeing how they have Deities,
how they are offering the bhoga,
offering āratī to the deities.
Some people have picture altars,
some have Deities.
So, we are seeing how the families are spreading Kṛṣṇa consciousness,
how they are practicing.
This is the way that one can achieve success in this lifetime.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Day-to-day Life / Parents], [Sādhanā / Philosophical questions], [Sādhanā / Sevā], [Varṇāśrama / Gṛhastha], [Women]
Can a gṛhastha devotee serve Kṛṣṇa like a brahmacārī?
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2022-08-27
Jayapatākā Swami: You see it depends on one’s nature.
In the 8th canto of the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam,
there is fight between the king of the elephants and the king of the crocodiles.
So the fight was in the water.
At one point, the elephant felt that he was losing.
Because he is a land animal,
and he was in the water.
But the crocodile is a water animal.
So somehow or another he was in his elements, so he was stronger.
In the purport Śrīla Prabhupāda says that we should see what is our nature.
That in every situation, we want to fight against māyā.
So, if your nature is more vairāgya, then you can be a brahmacārī for a long time.
If your nature is more gṛhastha,
then you may be in that āśrama.
But then it is important to have a devotee wife.
So that both of you can fight against māyā as a team,
to serve Kṛṣṇa.
If the lady is simply māyā,
then that will not be very convenient.
It is very important to marry a Kṛṣṇa conscious lady,
if you want to have a gṛhastha-āśrama.
Of course, having a household means you have to work.
Unless you have a service at the temple, you have to spend some time earning money.
So it is little more of a balancing act.
Being a brahmacārī has certain advantages – you don’t have these responsibilities.
But again, you have to see what your nature is.
If your nature is such that you have to be a gṛhastha,
then you should try to find a devotee mate.
See how you can do your devotional service together.
Unfortunately, people when they look for a mate, they look for a nice face!
But actually, you have to deal with the mind.
So you should see that they are Kṛṣṇa conscious.
One boy, he married a non-devotee,
he was asked by his parents.
She was a non-veg,
but she promised I will be a vegetarian.
After they had a baby,
she started eating chicken.
Then he said, “You promised you will be a vegetarian!”
She said, “I promised,
I tried,
I was a vegetarian for a year.
You know what background I came from –
sorry, I have to eat
meat!”
So, better to have a devotee from the beginning.
So at least there is less maintenance.
Marriage is two people.
You have to have the other person on the same wavelength.
As brahmacārīs, when you are staying in the āśrama, there are some crazy people also.
So there are ups and downs in both sides.
Brahmacārīs, you don’t have responsibilities, so you can serve Kṛṣṇa 24 hours.
But gṛhasthas can also do a lot of service.
So if they make money, they can give some money to the temple.
Or they can do various preaching.
We want people to serve Kṛṣṇa,
no matter what they are.
Category: [Varṇāśrama], [Varṇāśrama / Brahmacārī], [Varṇāśrama / Gṛhastha], [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Sādhanā / Sevā]
Can females be liberated without getting married?
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2022-09-21
Jayapatākā Svāmī: Without being married.
Ah, there is no such stipulation that liberation is dependent upon getting married.
But it has been recommended very strongly that women should be married.
But as far as being… What if a girl dies when she is twelve, or something?
It’s not, it’s not lean on the soul that you have to get married to go back to Godhead.
It’s a question of what consciousness you’re in when you leave your body.
If you’re in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, you’ll go back to Godhead.
In a general sadhana practice of devotional service,
it’s conducive for women to be married and have a Kṛṣṇa conscious husband.
If the husband is not Kṛṣṇa conscious, then there is a problem.
But actually, the husband should be Kṛṣṇa conscious and the wife should be Kṛṣṇa conscious.
In this way, they give each other association.
I can elaborate.
But we’re on short of time right now.
But it’s not contingent on going back to Godhead, per se.
That is not contingent on any material thing.
It’s contingent on chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa, serving the spiritual master, following his instructions.
Hare Krsna.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Kṛṣṇa (Godhead) / Spiritual World / Dhāma], [Sādhanā / Philosophical questions], [Sādhanā / Technicalities], [Women]
How a woman convince herself to bond with someone when she knows that all material relations are temporary and the only eternal bond is with Kṛṣṇa ?
Questioner: Purnima
Date: 2022-10-22
Jayapatākā Swami: You see,
if one
worships Kṛṣṇa,
chants Hare Kṛṣṇa,
reads Bhāgavatam, Gītā
and other Kṛṣṇa conscious things,
you can make use of this
temporary relationship
*repetitition*
to
be Kṛṣṇa conscious.
To help others be Kṛṣṇa conscious.
and some people have certain desires
so you can regulate these desires
and
cross over all the obstacles.
Although
things are temporary,
they can last for this life.
If you have a Kṛṣṇa conscious husband
then you can practice your Kṛṣṇa consciousness
very peacefully.
So it is important
that a man finds a woman
and a woman finds a man who is krsna consciousness or atleast favorable.
at least favorable.
Maybe you can make him a devotee.
I know some women
who have overestimation of their ability
to make people devotees. (Laughing)
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Material World], [Sādhanā / Philosophical questions], [Vaiṣṇava Dealings], [Vaiṣṇava Dealings / Etiquette / Sadācāra], [Women]
How can we have a blissful and cooperative family life and do devotional service?
Questioner: Anon
Date: 2022-08-01
Jayapatākā Swami: If husband and wife, both are devotees then there are many opportunities.
If between the two if one of them is little behind, the other person should be affectionate to him or her and inspire them.
There is no use of using any bad words or being angry, it will simply increase the distance between them.
There are some strategies and techniques where they can get together and read books or chant together.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Sādhanā], [Vaiṣṇava Dealings / Association (Sādhu-saṅga)], [Vaiṣṇava Dealings / Cooperation]
How can young gṛhastha couples practice Kṛṣṇa consciousness in a way that they can serve and assist you in Śrīla Prabhupāda’s mission and perfect themselves in one lifetime?
Questioner: Anādi Akṣaya Kṛṣṇa dāsa
Date: 2022-08-05
Jayapatākā Swami: The gṛhasthas need to keep Kṛṣṇa in the center
and by offering their food to Kṛṣṇa,
by doing regular ārati to the deities,
reading certain amount of śāstra,
all these things help to keep one fixed up in Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
Husband and wife should help each other
to think of Kṛṣṇa.
And you may have Deities in the house
and do the various devotional services
to keep your self Kṛṣṇa conscious.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Kṛṣṇa (Godhead) / Spiritual World / Dhāma], [Sādhanā]
How do we overcome the bondage of material relationships? Why is it sometimes so difficult to overcome family attachment even after chanting the holy names?
Questioner: Jānakī Śantirūpā devī dāsī
Date: 2022-09-22
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Children], [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Day-to-day Life / Parents], [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Material World]
If a brahmacārī is faces many challenges in the āśrama from inside and the agitated mind is making bhakti distressful for him, should he change the āśrama?
Questioner: Seva Pālaka Nitāi dasa
Date: 2022-08-04
Jayapatākā Swami: In New York someone asked such a question and
Śrīla Prabhupāda once said that
if one is thinking
should I be a brahmacārī or should I take gṛhastha-āśrama,
then in that case, he should take gṛhastha-āśrama.
But being a brahmacārī, he takes a firm commitment
and if one is feeling what should I do, this or that,
then they don’t have enough determination
to be a brahmacārī.
Category: [Varṇāśrama], [Varṇāśrama / Changing Āśrama], [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Emotions / Confusion], [Emotions / Sorrow]
If a devotee husband is occupied with thoughts of his devotee wife, is it contradictory to devotional life?
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2022-09-10
Jayapatākā Swami: It depends, what the thinking is.
We saw in many households the wife is worshiping Deities, cooking bhoga and offering to the Deities.
So like that the wife is showing a good example of serving Kṛṣṇa
and if that inspires you and helps you to increase your service,
then that remembering is good.
But if you are simply thinking how you are going to enjoy her,
then even though she is a devotee that will be less important.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Saṁskāras], [Women]
We are both initiated but my husband does not want to do devotional service. What should I do?
Questioner: Anon
Date: 2022-08-01
Jayapatākā Swami: Why is it so?
We cannot force anyone to do it.
Ladies generally know ways to tactfully handle this.
You can say, please help me,
I have to do ārati.
Take the Bhagavad-gītā and show him and say that you do not understand the śloka and ask the husband to help.
Even though you can.
But the husband has a false ego that he is a male and to fan his ego, the wife can request him to explain.
Then he will read and even reading is a kind of service.
That way he will say something.
This way, the wife can in different ways get the husband to do it.
This we cannot do but the women have the knack.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Vaiṣṇava Dealings / Cooperation]
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